i wish there was someone who knew more about me than i do. someone that you could really talk to. none of us would be in this situation if that little miracle happened. some people say its god, but he never talks back. not to me anyways. pray. pray hard. everyone tells me that.  how can you pray without faith? and if i can't pray, where do i get faith? m just so lost. i am sunken into something i can't even describe, mostly because i'm too numb to know what it is. so how am i suppose to know where i am in life? i ask too many questions. it makes me even more lost. my life seems to be a makeshift raft. when you get off the island, you bring things with you. i keep packing shit on it, and it will eventually sink. i will sink with it. everything will sink, but i throw some things overboard first. love for myself, happiness, concern for myself, ability to think for myself, love, and the will to live. if any of that makes sense at all. i just don't know anymore.