venting i suppose

i have changed so much it scares me.
i am the world's biggest loner. i hate socalization. even with people i consider to be good friends. i just hate people. and ever since my family figured out about my um "other side", they tell fuckn everybody about it thinking they can make sure other people don't piss me off or whatever. but they tend to even more now. they act like i constantly have a gun to my head and freak out every time i say die or ask where a knife is or anything having to do with that. they're even trying to make me see a therapist. no thank you...i don't like people. they make me go out all the time because they think it isn't healthy for me to be up in my room 24/7, but they have it completely backwards. if i am alone, nothing is there to depress me. i just lay in my bed and listen to my ipod or run a little. and i can do what i want. i don't have to deal with other people. just myself. i can handle that. but when i am around other people i see how perfect they look and how happy they seem and it just kills me. those two are killing me. who would have thought, my own parents.

in the growing race of losers...

its strange how once you get use to something you hate, you don't want to leave it even if it makes your life suck. example: i usually sit alone at lunch despite having "friends" in that lunch period and i usually just get stared at a lot. and i got use to it. and today some of those "friends" i suppose felt pity for me and told me to come sit with them. and guess what, i was reluctant to. i didn't want to be pitied mostly, and also it just didn't seem natural. it has become my thinking time. i realized how much i really dislike people. all people.  

how smart teenagers are

i have been way too busy to post anything, but since its labor day and all, here we go! yes!

well i'll do this in chronological order

some guy who is pretty much in love with me wrote me a song...

and sung it to me. i'm still a bit freaked out

my sister came into my room 2 days ago and saw my wrists...

now my whole family thinks i am a freak

and they are making me go to therapy...

i broke up with my boyfriend yesterday mercilessly

anddd pierced my lip an hour ago. 

by myself...with a sewing needle.

someone should hit me with the stupid stick

which my mom will probably do...

oh god. and my dad comes home tomorrow...

im terrified.